scratching by.

"Morning came and I tried not to notice"

I woke up early today with the room still dark, mostly due to ruminations through my neurons and a little spider crawling deliberately along my skin. I biked up the hill home last night and was huffing and puffing, my knees aching, trying to make it up without having to stop. I certainly slowed and then got to the top hardly able to catch the breath that was running away from me.. and slid my way back down the other side wondering how people could do 90 miles without proper training. And then wondering how I could be so unself-reliant. I want to be okay just lying by myself in a dark room with only a spider as company and my little stuffed bunny rabbit. I listen to the radio and toss and turn a bit before unconsciousness sets in. Then it is restless with the thoughts of who I am supposed to be, impressing others and such. Also, how am I going to pay the bills and feed myself. I have been down on myself, for my lack of biking prowess and lack of a job. I function as someone teetering on the edge of this thin wall, sort of like humpty dumpty. K laughed at me for this. Then we ate onion rings and danced to a slow song on the jukebox in the local fast-food joint. They give little gold tokens there which can be taken and exchanged for free songs on the juke. I played 'great balls of fire' and she played a song that I don't know.. oh, and 'blueberry hill.'

Did I mention learning all about climate change this weekend? It was rather great but culminated in a sorta weird feeling of WTF? and a smattering of PTSD. You know how it goes.

"Since it's all I have I want to go to sleep. And dream of you and me just off the coast
On a holiday so long and warm and lucky. Always wake up in my bedroom all alone..."
- Tilly & The Wall

Chinese Product Rant.

I am lying on the couch with a stomach ache and thinking about China... and about baking a cake.

Soy sauce made from unclean human hair from hospitals and barbershop floors? 110 people DEAD in Panama from tainted cough syrup? Tainted pet food that killed dogs and cats all across America? Lead in children's toys? Not to mention all sorts of carcinogens.. Liver-damaging chemicals in toothpaste (some used as mini-versions in fancy hotels in the U.S.)? Fake drugs and medical products that led to the leader of China's version of the FDA to be executed for his crimes? Did you know that "at least 300 million Chinese citizens—roughly the same number as the entire U.S. population—suffer from food-borne diseases annually, according to a recent report by the Asian Development Bank and World Health Organization"??? DO YOUR RESEARCH, PEOPLE. Amanda's Rant: Need I tell you to stop shopping at Wal-Mart and other big-box stores? Stay away from Made-In-China products as much as you possibly can! Pay a little more and buy quality materials that will last you a long time. Our throwaway society is destroying the planet and ourselves. Read up on our reliance on Chinese products and the lack of human rights, environmental and quality standards with Chinese manufacturing. Then, take your shock and vote with your dollars. Think about who you are supporting and where you are giving your money. Shop locally wherever possible! Think about whether or not you need the new piece of crap you think you do... you will probably be pleasantly surprised. Us humans don't need so much. Stop consuming so much. Think. Think. Think. Pretty please. It is past the tipping point. We cannot turn this around, but we can make our own impact by changing the way we live. 1. Newsweek article on this mess: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19650857/site/newsweek/ 2. List of this years' recalls from Chinese products: http://www.who-sucks.com/business/made-in-china-2007-danger-timeline